Dressing is one of the daily living tasks named in the VA regulation that measures need for aid and attendance, and it is often the first task to slip.[1] The closet and the clothes Dad wears tell you what is happening week by week, which makes them a useful early signal.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

What to look at

Walk through Dad's dressing once a week and note what you actually see, not what you assume. Look for:

  • Buttons done up in the wrong holes, or a shirt skipped entirely
  • Pants on backwards, inside out, or with the fly open
  • Shoes on the wrong feet, or laced when they used to be slipped on
  • The same shirt or pants several days running, even when soiled
  • Socks missing, or one on and one off
  • A closet that has shifted to pull-on and elastic styles without anyone asking for them

One bad morning proves little. A pattern across several weeks, with the same kinds of errors, is what matters.

Write the pattern down

Keep a short note, one line per week, saying what you saw and what help was needed to fix it. Use plain words: buttons were redone by you, he did not notice, a sweater went on over a shirt that was still damp. Keep the note in the same folder as the medical paperwork so it does not get lost. It is a family record, not a medical record, and it gives the clinician a clear picture of what you have seen.

Take it to the clinician

Changes in dressing can have a medical cause, such as pain, weakness, vision change, or confusion. Whether that is the case is a question for Dad's doctor, not for the family or any aide. Bring the written pattern to the next appointment and ask two things: what the change might be, and whether the clinic can document the level of help he needs from day to day.

Why the record matters

VA looks at whether a veteran needs regular help with daily living tasks, not whether he can manage on a good day.[2] A clear record of ordinary mornings describes that need honestly. Write what happened, not what you fear, and do not add detail you did not see.

Notes

[1] 38 CFR 3.352(a), VA regulation on criteria for determining need for regular aid and attendance, published through VA.gov.

[2] VA.gov, Aid and Attendance and Housebound benefits, general description of the regular-need standard.

For the full list of references this desk uses, see Sources.