When a parent's care starts at home, money begins to move in more places at once. A caregiver is paid, a pharmacy is paid, a ride is paid, and a bill that used to go out by check now goes out by card. That spread is normal. It is also the cover that small, steady losses hide behind. The early signs are usually not dramatic. They are a few charges a month that nobody in the family can name.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

What to compare, line by line

Each caregiver payment should match a written invoice or a signed record. Each pharmacy, medical and transport charge should match a receipt or a visit. Anything left over is the list you need to explain. Look at the amount, the merchant name, the day of the week and the time of any cash withdrawal. A withdrawal at a time when Dad could not have left the house is a fact worth writing down, not a conclusion.

Also check the things that do not show as purchases. Ask the bank for a list of every debit card, check book and online user on the account, with the date each was issued. A card nobody in the family asked for is a question for the bank, and the bank can usually answer it in writing. Check whether the mailing address or the email on the account has changed. Check for new automatic payments or subscriptions that started in the same month care began.

Signs that deserve a phone call the same week

  • A debit card or checkbook you did not order, or a new name on the account.
  • Cash withdrawals in amounts that repeat, or that fall on days no care visit happened.
  • Payments to a person or company that does not appear on any invoice.
  • Statements going to a new address, or alerts that have been turned off.
  • Dad saying he is short of money while the account shows steady outflow.

Do not confront the person you suspect before you have the statements and the bank's written answer. A family member, a hired caregiver and a friend can all be right or wrong about the same charge, and the record should decide it first.

Who to call, in the order that helps

Start with the bank's fraud or account service line and ask for the account's full authorization history. Ask them to block any card you did not request and to add a second alert to Dad's phone or email. If the questions are not answered in writing, or if you believe Dad is being taken advantage of, Missouri's Adult Protective Services handles reports of this kind through the state health and senior services department. For VA benefits, the VA fiduciary program is the route if VA ever needs to review how a veteran's benefit money is being spent. The St. Louis contacts on the Local Help: St. Louis Offices page list who answers these calls.

Keep a dated log of every call, the name of the person you spoke to and what they said. You will need it if the matter moves from the bank to the state or to VA.

Sources

Note 1: VA.gov, Fiduciary Program, for how VA handles benefit money when a beneficiary cannot manage it. Note 2: VA.gov, Veterans Pension Benefits, for the income and expense records VA may ask to see. This checklist describes what to compare and ask. It is not legal advice, and a bank, an elder law attorney or the state office can tell you what applies to Dad's account.