The Household Work Is Its Own Line: What the Family Keeps and What a Hired Helper Takes

Families often hire for the hands-on personal care and then quietly leave the household work on one person, usually the one already stretched thinnest. Sorting the work before you hire tells you how many hours are really needed, and every quote and schedule depends on that number.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Count the work first

For one typical week, list every household task that keeps Dad's home running: laundry and linens, dishes, trash, floors, bathroom cleaning, grocery lists, grocery runs, mail, and any trips to the bank or the pharmacy counter. Put a rough hour count next to each item and note who does it now. Be honest about the hours. Most families undercount because each task is small and they are spread across the week.

Sort into three piles

Put each task in one of three groups. The first is work the family keeps, usually because it is personal, meaningful, or easy for them to do. The second is work a hired helper can take, such as laundry, floors, and grocery runs. The third is work that needs a decision before anyone else touches it, such as anything involving Dad's medicine, his money, or his medical equipment. Those decisions stay with the family, Dad's doctor, and the pharmacist, and any helper's role is set by what the household agrees in writing.

Know what household tasks do not establish

VA's need test for aid and attendance centers on personal functions such as dressing, bathing, eating, and getting in and out of bed.[1] Housework, however heavy, does not by itself establish that need. Keep the two lists separate when you talk to anyone about the claim, so household hours are not presented as evidence of personal care need.

Compare the family option honestly

Before you assign a task to a family member, check three things: whether that person is free on the days the work happens, whether they can keep it up for months rather than weeks, and what happens when they are sick or away. Hired help raises its own questions, such as whether the helper brings supplies, what the minimum visit length is, and who covers the shift when the helper cannot come. Write the answers on the same page as the task list so the decision rests on the same facts for everyone.

Who to call locally

Before you decide, see what local offices and resources cover. The St. Louis listings on this site are a starting point: Local Help: St. Louis Offices.

Notes

[1] 38 CFR 3.352(a), VA regulation on criteria for determining need for regular aid and attendance, published through VA.gov.

Full list of references: Sources.