The first shift goes better when setup happens in a set order. Walk the house, write the care list, confirm the emergency plan, then run one shift with the family close enough to see how it goes. Each step leaves a record you can check against the next one.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Walk the home with your father

Go through the home with your father present. Write down the entry points, the exits, where the phone sits, where the emergency numbers are posted, and the chair and route he uses most. Note loose rugs, poor lighting, and steps without a handrail. Look at these with him beside you rather than guessing.

Step 2: Write the care list in plain words

List each daily need as a sentence: what he can do alone, what needs a reminder, and what needs a second person. Ask his doctor which tasks he can safely do without help, and write the answer next to the item. Medical decisions stay with his doctor and the family. A hired non-medical aide can give medication reminders and pick up a prescription as an errand, but sorting, handing out, or giving medicine stays with your father, the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist.

Step 3: Set the emergency plan

Write down who to call first, who to call second, what the aide does if he falls or stops answering, and where the family contact list is posted. Give the aide a copy and keep one by the phone. Confirm the plan with the provider in writing, not only by phone.

Step 4: Run the first shift with the family close

Be in the home or within a short call for the first shift. Check whether the aide follows the list, whether your father is comfortable with the person, and whether reminders arrive on time. Write down each question as it comes up, and do not try to fix everything in one day.

Step 5: Hold the first family call

At the end of the first week, sit down with the aide or agency contact and go through the list line by line. Change what does not fit, and cross off what is already handled. Keep the revised list in the care file.

What VA does and does not set here

VA does not set the daily schedule for a home care arrangement. The aid and attendance benefit recognizes a level of daily help, and the setup of that help belongs to the family and the provider.1 Read the VA page for what the benefit covers before you assume a task is included. For the wider order of steps, see Start Here: The Order to Read.

Notes

  1. VA.gov, Aid and Attendance and Housebound Benefits, https://www.va.gov/pension/aid-attendance-housebound/